I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
