"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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