in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
