how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
