I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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