There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
