my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
