paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
