thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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