Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
