I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
