You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He? As in you personified your dick?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
