I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
