I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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