so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
