Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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