happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
