I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
