He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
