The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
