Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
