Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
