pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
