I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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