I wish I could teleport
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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