wakey wakey hands off snakey
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
