her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
