her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What a dumb baby whore.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm just crazy horny about you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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