lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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