he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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