Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
