I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
