Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
