considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
