Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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