im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
