I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His hands were made for my vagina.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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