you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
