I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
