I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
