i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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