The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
