so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
