Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
