Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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