WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
