I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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