Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
ttyl tear gas
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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