How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
