I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
