Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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