I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
