It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
