those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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