I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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