at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
