Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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