I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are we still banned from the library?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
