So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
