it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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