She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She made me pour olive oil on her.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
