Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
