the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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