I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
