so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
