Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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