Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
