how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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