ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
