I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
