I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
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It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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