im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
