Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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