I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
