She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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