Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There are leaves in my underwear?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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