I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
