Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize