So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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