did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
