I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
